The debate over spanking in Massachussettes has folks all over the country re-examining their stance on corporal punishment.
African Americans have had two iconic father figures presented to us over the years via pixelated images, James Evans and Cliff Huxtable. They were two ends of the disciplinary spectrum. James Senior would lay the smack down at the slightest provocation. Shoot, I even remember the episode where he took the belt to somebody else’s child. Somehow the writers and John Amos presentation of the character were able to convey to the audience that there was something noble and good and loving under that smoldering exterior. And then he died. Kinda reminds me of my Pops.
I had a tough dad who would whoop at the drop of a dime. He would make me get the belt or if we were outside the nearest branch would do. The worst part is if we weren’t at home he would use the belt he wore which had metal studs in it. Nowadays (and maybe even then) his disciplinary tactics would be considered abuse. In a way the whoopins ended bittersweetly. When I was ten my father started getting very sick from cancer and at age twelve he passed away. During that year and a half period I homeschooled and looked after my Dad while my mom was at worked. I really got to know the man behind the belt. He shared an incredible life story with me (a book I fully intend to write one day). I think death’s door helped him open himself up to me in ways only the father I am now could truly understand. For God’s sake he told me he loved me on three different occasions!
I know now that I absorbed him, the strict expectations but also the love and the openness that I probably never would have been exposed to had the circumstances been different. Because of these dual influences I have self-imposed rules regarding spanking.
1) Never spank out of anger. Timeouts work, but moreso for me than the child. They give me time to collect my thoughts and cool off.
2) Always spank with an open hand on the butt. You will feel every lick and it won’t leave a mark, at least not where most people would see it. If they’re too big for this they’re too big to big spanked. Find what truly motivates them and deprive them of it.
3) Explain clearly and concisely what the spanking is for. There should be no ambiguity or confusion. In fact have the child repeat the charges.
I have four children, all good bright kids. I spank the younger two for any of three basic reasons:
A) When they do something that endangers their person (i.e. mess with a light socket). This is the main reason I advocate spanking. Children need to associate certain behaviour with a negative result before that child develops a pattern of performing said behaviour. I’d much rather field a child’s temporary resentment than visit them in the hospital or God forbid the cemetery.
B) Theft. The worst spankings I’ve given have been for this offense. But, it only took once per child to drive the point home. I remember the one I recieved for taking money out of my mother’s purse. It was so effective that to this day if I discover something in my shopping cart that didn’t get rung up I go back into the store and demand to pay for it, often to the dismay of the cashier. Driving home an ethic of shunning unlawful gain at a young age is so vital to our young people it’s worth the pain you must inflict.
C) Disrespecting my wife. This is more applicable to the boys than the girls but needed for both. I allow a lot more attitude directed at me than I do at her. I may not always be around. Whether I’m just out of the house or my life ends prematurely I want to know that the men I raise will treat women with respect and dignity. …….
That’s it. For everything else I find the fear of a whoopin works just as good, if not better, than the whoopin itself. The two older ones no longer get spanked. But (and here’s the key) I’ve put in the work with them so that being told I’m proud of them rather than disappointed in them is all the disciplinary action that typically needs to be taken. I tell them I love them every day. It’s a much more rewarding parental method. And I learned the bulk of it from Bill Cosby. Thank God for Cliff Huxtable.
Deac